Dirty, skanky and slaggy single mum or gran, please! - London

I'm a very serious and genuine single man in my 50s who weighs about 95kg and I'm *very* clear about what it is that I'm looking for.

I want a dirty, skanky, slaggy and depraved single mum or gran with a certifiably long, messy, complicated and early sexual history who is looking for genuine adult fun with no limits. You can be of any age (there's no lower limit), any colour and from anywhere in the UK. However, you MUST be genuine, reliable, friendly, engaging and willing to share your personal stories with mine and tell the truth when doing so. No timewasters, no bull. I solemnly promise you that I won't waste yours and that you can be as offensive with me as you want in all sorts of ways, so no need to tread upon any carefully-laid PC eggshells: just don't lie to me (*ever* - I smoke liars out very quickly) and we'll be OK.

I'll expect you to have: done and allowed plenty of stuff under the roof that, shall we say, social services might have been interested in; been exposed to most stuff from early on; be used to dressing short in (basic) wear from tip to toe; and have had your influence rub off on your sons and daughters in all sorts of nice ways! You will most likely have been through at least several dozens of men and boys from the start. I don't mind if you're a smoker, drinker or drug-taker. If your kids are of the right age, there is a birthday party scenario that I think you'll be very interested in.

Bob Box is NOT my real name and the photo I've posted (of Daniel Levy) probably looks closest to my features. You'll get my (first) real name and photo when we both agree that we can trust each other, especially given the nature of what I'm asking for.

This advert is not for everybody and I don't expect it to be. That's fine, but if you flame me or give me any abuse, I'll block you. But if you accept me with open arms and are keen to know more, well ... you know what to do.

I'll happily travel for the right woman and should we ever meet after all that, it will only ever be in a public place. That's as much for my personal protection as it is for yours; so if you are (or were) thinking about bringing along a 'welcoming committee' just for the lolz, I'm afraid you've picked the wrong man.

PS: Rather predictably, most of the replies I've had so far have been from men. I think my advert is pretty clear about what I want - where in it do I say that I want to speak to men? Yes, that's right: NOWHERE. Any emails I get from men will be ignored and sent straight to my trash bin. Now kindly fuck off!

Bye. xx